Why I Can Never Be A Red Sox Fan

In New England, the snow has melted, the days are getting longer and the temperature is rising. With Spring inching closer the dawn of a new baseball season is upon us. Every team has a renewed hope that they will win it all. Fans are getting wicked excited for anotha day in the paaark. Here are some reasons why I will never be a Boston Red Sox fan.

1. To me sitting on top of a 100 year old wall to watch a game is not fun, its fucking annoying, to Red Sox Fans its bleacher seats.
2. I don't mispronounce enough words to be a fan. I say dark not daak, I say barber not ba-ba, I say potatoes not puhdaydas, and I say Fenway Park not Fenway Paaaark, Go Bo Sox.
3. When I get ice cream I don't ask for jimmies on it. That just sounds creepy.
4. The Drop Kick Murphy's suck.
5. I never got a Papel-boner.
6. Singing 'Sweet Caroline' with a bunch of drunk Mass-holes is moronic.
7. I fully understand there is a chance that Pedro, Damon, Big Poppi, and Manny probably took some of Manny's "Vitamins" to help win a World Series in 2004. They truly were a Bunch of Idiots.

If you thought this was funny, then you're probably a Yankee fan. I hope you are still laughing next week when I release my latest post, Why I Can Never Be A Yankee Fan.

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