Total Pageviews

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Marley and Me Makes Men Cry!!

So I just wrapped up another exciting email with my 'Lunch Crew' buddies, LC for short. The reason we call ourselves this, is we all used to go to lunch together while working at the same company. I don't want to come out and publicly say what crappy company it is, but it believes HEALTHCARE should be UNITED. Hold on while I take a quick call from my legal representation...
Ok, I'm back. This is the time of year the LC talks mostly about the fantasy football league we all created, and any other crazy topic we can come up with. Today we learned most of us, and I mean those who possess a heart, teared up during Marley and Me. You probably are asking; Why would you admit this? Why did you rent this? and Did you just admit to watching an Owen Wilson movie? The answers are simple. Denial is the first step to recovering from this travesty; Because Netflix didn't send me my first pick - The Proposal; and don't forget You, Me, and Dupree.
Most of the LC admitted to shedding a tear or two, and it's the typical man way of tearing. You pretend to yawn a bunch of times to stop yourself from bursting out and screaming "WHHHHYYYYY MARLEY, HE'S JUST A DOG." The ones who didn't admit to crying during the movie, did later sob quietly in the corner of their shower muttering "it's ok Marley, you're in a better place now." Well...maybe that's now how it happened, but they had to cry at some point. Right? When I think back on the movie now I still cry, and not because Marley died in the end. Try explaining to everyone that an Owen Wilson made you cry...(single tear).
I would like to that the LC for giving me the material and inspiration to write this blog. I'd like to say permission, but they won't know I wrote this until after I publish. The LC claims they read my blogs, so let's just call this a test for them. Be sure to go to for a list of my upcoming shows, pictures and videos of me. Also, tune in to my next blog called "Meet The LC"

Monday, November 9, 2009

It's Good News, Bad News Time!!

Hey Mike Garb fans!! Guess what time it is??? It's...Good News, Bad News Time. With every piece of Good News, there is always Bad News.

Good News: A-Rod and the Yankees won the World Series.
Bad News: Side effects may include: excessive celebration, nausea, bacne, swelling of the head, and the voices of grown men from Yonkers screaming "Got Rings? We got 27 of dem"

Good News: I just beat Guitar Hero 5 on Expert.
Bad News: I just beat Guitar Hero 5 on Expert.

Good News: Tampa Bay Bucs got their first win of the season.
Bad News: If my math skills are correct, every nine weeks means next celebration party will be Week One of the 2010 season. And if my prediction skills are correct, Bucs fans will hear "With the 1st pick of the 2010 NFL Draft, the Tampa Bay Bucaneers select..."

Good News: Jon and Kate are in court and their show on TLC maybe over.
Bad News: The TLC channel is premiering their new show called Jon and Kate Battle Over 8

Good News: The Dallas Cowboys are in 1st place in the NFC East.
Bad News: The Tony Romo-mentum train stops in December.

Good News: Britney Spears has a new perfume out, and you can buy it at your local Walmart.
Bad News: It smells like trailer park, sprinkle cheese, and crystal meth.

Good News: I still have a chance to win this week's game in my Fantasy Football League.
Bad News: To do it, I need Hines Ward to catch 6 TD's and run the length of the field on each catch. Right now, even Steelers fans are laughing at me.

Good News: Me and Renee (my girlfriend) just exchanged our Christmas wish lists with each other. Her list includes more winter clothes, DJ Hero, and weight loss books.
Bad News: With the exception of the first one, how the hell am I going to explain that to the cashier? "No sir, I swear she really wants to diet and play DJ Hero."

Good News: The New York Giants finally get a bye week, after losing 4 straight games. Hopefully that gives their injured defense some time to heal up.
Bad News: Other NFL teams currently on a skid of 4 or more games are the Redskins, Lions, and 49ers. It's true. Misery DOES love company.

Good News: Renee's cats licked my face. She tells me it is a sign of affection.
Bad News: I just caught them drinking out of the toilet bowl.

If you like what you read and want more of Mike Garb, please read his other blogs as well. You can also go to for a list of upcoming shows, video clips, pictures, and to Experience The Funny!!!