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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Apocalypse Now...Please!!!

What do the Mayan's, Harold Camping, and every Jehovah's witness have in common?  They all really have no f@&*ing clue when the world will end.  I love the smell of wrong predictions in the morning.  I also love how I dissect each END OF THE WORLD prediction Myth-buster style.

I find it amazing that we won't even believe the Doppler 8000's 5-day weather forecast, but we are willing to think an ancient civilization knew the world will end in 2012.  If you actually believe in this, then I hope the big meteor, that is aimed for Earth, hits you in the face.  Does any one know why the Mayan's really  stopped making their mystical calendar?  Because a bunch of land seeking explorers did what we did to the Indians.  Yup, that's right.  They got wiped out.  It's kind of hard to continue a calendar when your hut is on fire.  If they truly could predict the end of the world, then why couldn't they predict the end of their world?   MYTH-BUSTED!  One down, two to go.

Join my religion and you will be saved when the world ends.  What a bunch of psycho-babbling religious bullsh*t.  Ever since I was 10 years old, a Jehovah's witness has knocked on my door and told me the world will end next week.  Guess what?  I'm still here.  Here is what boggles my mind about this religion.  They want to save everyone, but believe only 400,000 of them will be saved.  THEN WHY TELL EVERYONE?  If we were all about to get bent over, and slammed from behind, by a major apocalypse and there was a limited amount of seating for people to be saved, would you tell anyone?  I know I wouldn't.  If that sounds harsh, you could always post "thanks for not telling me about the world ending" on my Facebook Wall, and end it with a frowny face.  I think this world ending MYTH has been BUSTED.

I save my favorite for last, Mr Harold Camping.  This is the guy who predicted the world to end on May 21st, 2011.  But fear not, if you are reading this then you are safe.  We all made, and hard to believe.  I mean if we can rely on an 89 year old Christian Bible preaching radio broadcaster, then who the f*ck is left?  God?  Buddha? Allah? Obama?  Kim Kardashian?  Grandpa Camping just recently came out and said that he made an error and the new date to fear is October 21st, 2011.  This guy was a former NASA engineer and he messed up a calculation.  What happened?  Did you forget to carry the one, you douche?

All of this END OF DAYS crap is just a load of pure bullsh*t.  Remember Y2K?  I bet you I just reminded you.  All of this should be treated like an Owen Wilson movie.  Slightly feared at first, but eventually ignored until it goes away.  Besides, everyone knows the world will end on May 25th for millions of people when Oprah's tapes her final show.

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