Why I Can Never Be A Yankee Fan

Opening Day is almost here and the New York Yankee lemmings...err... I mean fans are gearing up to support their team. Here are some reasons why I can never be a Yankee fan.

1. I do not feel like sitting next to some douche bag from the Bronx who's only goal in life is to drink as many beers as the Yankees have championships, all before the 7th inning stretch.
2. I do not want Cameron Diaz to feed me popcorn.
   
3. I do not cheer when A-Rod hits a homerun, because I realize the mixture of steroids and horse hormones is why he has a nice trot around the bases.
4. I know this may surprise some of you, but "GOT RINGS?, WE GOT 27 OF THEM" actually gets annoying after the first 1000 times.
5. Suzyn Waldman - self explanatory.
6. Winning with $210 million isn't genius, it's a Monopoly.
7. It's great to know whenever some one hits a homerun, the Yankees will sign him to their bench. Great parity in this sport.
8. It's Derek Jeter, not Derek Jeta'
9. Listening to John Sterling is like listening to Charlie Sheen, they're both rambling men slowly dying.
10. An overweight, player is the pride of your organization. No, not C.C. or Bartolo Colon. The one who screwed hookers and ate a steady diet of hummel hotdogs and tubs of mayo. Put that in your cigar and smoke it.

Tune in next week when I admit, Why I Am A @&$#ing Mets Fan. And remember to subscribe to my blog and/or comment on this post.